Apr 12

Apr 12 Collection of Drinking Toasts

Working at piano bars, I’ve picked up my share of toasts… and as a firm believer that a drink without a toast is like sex without foreplay, (not that it’s always a bad thing), I thought I’d compile and share some of my favorites. Some are dirty, some are funny, some are uplifting… but all of them are for drinking!

So gentlemen, start your livers!

Here’s to the women who love us terribly,
May they soon improve.

May we get what we want,
May we get what we need,
But may we never get what we deserve.

Here’s to a long life and a happy one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer and another one!

May the winds of fortune sail you,
May you sail a gentle sea.
May it always be the other guy
Who says, “this drink’s on me.”

Here’s to women and horses… and the men who ride them!!

Here’s to virgins and lesbians… thanks for nothing!

Here’s to the women who have used and abused us… may they never stop!

May you…
Work like you don’t need the money,
Love like you’ve never been hurt,
Dance like no-one is watching,
Screw like it’s being filmed,
And drink like a true Irishman.

Here’s to birthdays. Birthdays only come once a year. Aren’t we glad we’re not birthdays!

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink!

Here’s to those who wish us well; all the rest can go to hell.

Here’s to panties, not the best thing in the world, but damn close to it.

May all your ups and downs be under the covers.

Here’s to the girls that say they will,
Here’s to the girls that say they won’t,
Here’s to the girls that say they will and then say they won’t,
But here’s to the girls best of all,
And guys you know I’m right,
Here’s to the girls that say they don’t,
But tonight, they juuuuust might.

Two bits of advice to the new bride:
One, tell your new husband that you have to have one night a week out with the girls, and,
Two, don’t waste that night with the girls.

A fool and his money are soon partying!

Here’s to hell – may our stay there be as much fun as our way there!

Time is never wasted, when you’re wasted all the time!

Two bits of advice to the new bride:
One, tell your new husband that you have to have one night a week out with the girls, and,
Two, don’t waste that night with the girls.

May we all have the chance to prove that money can’t make us happy!

Here’s to people who don’t drink.
We should all feel bad for them because when they wake up in the morning,
That’s the best they’ll feel all day!

Better to be a well known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic.

Here’s to men — we may not go down in history, but we’ll definitely go down on your sister!

Here’s to hemorrhoids and tattoos — eventually, every asshole gets one!

A toast to bread! because without bread there’d be no toast!

You can pick your friends; you can pick your nose,
But you can’t wipe your friends on the back of the couch.

Sex is only dirty if it’s done right!

Here’s to men.
We don’t kiss and tell, we kiss and exaggerate!

Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

A soldier’s home is on the land,
A sailor’s home at sea,
But a whiskey glass and a stripper’s ass
Is home sweet home to me!

Here’s to rattlesnakes and condoms,
Two things you don’t want to fuck with!

Here’s to dancing — a vertical expression of horizontal intention.

Here’s to that which goes in hard and stiff, and comes out soft and wet: Bubblegum!

Take everything in moderation, including moderation.

Sugar in the bowl, coffee in the cup. Poke her in the butt, you won’t knock her up!

May we all have the chance to prove that money can’t make us happy.

Champagne to our real friends, real pain to our sham friends.

Here’s to wars and revolution,
Here’s to whores and prostitution,
Here’s to truckers who keep on truckin’,
And Here’s to bitches who keep on fuckin’

Here’s to being single,
Seeing double,
Sleeping triple, and
Having multiple.

Everyone take her easy — but if she’s easy, take her twice.

Here’s to the girl in the little red shoes,
She loves to party, she drinks your booze,
She lost her cherry, but that’s no sin,
She’s still got the box it came in!